OOO!! Where to start.....
Well for starters I am rather drunk, so I may say/type one or two things I shouldn't or spell worse than my friends 3 year old!! But that's why God invented the spellchecker, right?
This is definately a "VENT YOUR ANGER" blog!!!!!!
Well, to start I am in a job that yes, I love, but feel rather unappreciated. I am contantly fighting a loosing battle with my work load and if I put ANY more hours in, then my joke about hiding a sleeping bag under one of my desks will no-longer be a joke!! And when it is all at £6.00 an hour (that is NOT a typo) you feel even more like a doormat sometimes.
But I do enjoy it and I am very thankful and grateful that the majority of the patients are very nice, understanding and appreciative of mine and my teams' hard work.
I am also waiting for my 'never-ending' divorce to be finalised!!! If my soon-to-be ex-husband drags things out any longer, we will BOTH be collecting our pensions!!! For those of you who know me and 'him', you will find that slightly amusing!! (For those of you who dont - he's over 10 years older than me!)
Still, as far as I am concerned, he is no longer in my life and has not been since I left him over a year ago. I just have memories, which I am thankful to say fade away alittle bit more every day!! I just have to deal with my solicitor and the odd trip to the Courts when 'he' decides not to play ball!
God I was scared to death the first time I had to go back to Court to see him!! The 2 days leading up to the Court date I could not sleep at all - God knows how I did not look like death on that day?!? Just the thought of having to be in his presence made me shake and shudder so much you would have thought I was in the Antartic. All of the negative memories - and there are alot - started to come back and hit me in waves! I was such a wreck!! Luckily for me my parents were there and I had had plenty of well-wishes from my friends which gave me enormous strength!
The second time was alot better. By the time the proceedings were over, I actually started to feel a tad of confidence in myself, and I could look at him in the face for the first time since I walked out my old front door. Do you know what I saw?? Nothing. No one. Just a man. A scruffy, thin, disheveled old man - what had I been so scared of?? Well, thinking about it, I know exactly what, but during that moment, I could look right at him and see through him and he couldn't look back at me because he knows what he did to me, exactly what he did to me!!
I have also 'come out of my shell' some what - understatment of the decade?!?!?!
I can listen to the music I like without an earbashing, go to concerts and gigs, hang out with my friends and just be me - Jennie - it is such an overwhelming feeling of releaf to be able to be you without predidice or judgment. Especially from the one that is suppose love you for who you are regardless... but I digress... and believe it or not this rant has done me the world of good!!
I feel a hell of alot better than I did 30 mins ago.....
Oh! And my new boyfriend has just texted me!!
This might be a forward or bold move/statement - but he's the greatest! Yes Ben I am talking about you incase you ever read this!! God I have gone red now with toe-curling embarrisment!! HA! HA!
Well, its rather late and I think I have embarrised myself enough for one evening!!!
Two things:
First: Live life for the moment; Don't let life pass you by; make the most of every opportunity!
Second: Shit happens to everyone at some point in their life. But its how you deal with it that defines you as a person.
Highly-Enbarrising rant over!!! Going to hit publish before my brain-cell tells me to actually read this back at least once!! xxx
